only you.... short story 6 part 6

It was awkward in the office the next day and again we pretended that nothing had happened. I know now that if he were stronger he wouldn’t have made a move in me…and if I had been stronger I wouldn’t have let him. But it felt good to lose control for once…when in life all we did was plan…plan for the future…plan for accidents and mishaps…plan for our children…we forgot to plan for ourselves, plan the time we could spend with each other. Maybe I didn’t want to live the routine life anymore…maybe I wanted to break it.
Two days later you came back home. I didn’t tell you anything. I pretended nothing was wrong. I continued to meet Dhruv.
“…are u listening to me?”, you said during dinner one night a month later.
“Why do you have a silly grin and a far away look on ur face. You ok?”
“Yeah.yeah….sorry I drifted off.”
“Is there anything u want to tell me?”
It was then that it hit me..I realized that what I was doing…was wrong…that I was hurting you… I was doing what my father did…what made me hate him…the messy divorce, the tears…oh god ! I had to end this…before it swallowed me….and my life, completely.
I felt restless. I was sinking into this relationship.I was dreaming about him in front of my husband! I kept telling myself that I had to end it. However fun it seemed. I couldn’t hurt you. I loved you still.
I sat up the whole night thinking. I watched you sleep with your hand in mine…and that night I made a decision.
I knew you would be surprised when I told you that I was going to quit my job. I told you I had thought about it for the past few months and that I couldn’t take the strain. And it was true. I couldn’t take the strain…of not doing anything…despite knowing that what I was doing was wrong.
I spoke to Dhruv. I told him it was over. I told him I loved you…and if I had to choose, it would only be you. I told him we were planning have a baby. He cried. I did too. Becaused I loved him too. My heart broke to see him walk away from me. I went to my mother’s place to nurse this secret broken heart.
I took up painting and reading classics. I started looking for a job six months later. Thank you, for supporting me all those days. But I’m proud I could pick up the pieces and you never knew there was anything missing.

I do not know wat happened to Dhruv. I guess he found somebody else.
Today is our twentieth wedding anniversary. Our daughter is a beautiful fourteen year old.
There have been seveal times when I have felt I should tell you about Dhruv. I couldn’t do it. Today, I don’t want to. I am and was a woman caught between basing a relationship on honesty and not losing the man she loved . I chose the latter.
I could never tell you.I could never stand living without you. I could never hurt you. So I have decided to take this secret to my grave